Wrath Of The Deadly Hammer Falcon
by Screamo Shaymin
Summary: *Re-Upload* Captain Falcon grabs a hammer... and things go downhill from there.
1. Wrath of the Deadly Hammer Falcon

Donkey Kong was derping in the corner again. Link saw this as the perfect oppurtunity to knock him out. He pulled out his boomerang. Mario stopped him.

"Link, why do you insist on knocking off a poor, defenseless creature who doesn't know what he's doing?"

Link didn't pay attention to Mario, but instead to Captain Falcon, who was waiting for Mario to finish. Suddenly, a hammer appeared behind him.

"Uh...Mario..." Link tried to warn Mario. Mario didn't hear him. Instead, he was reading the 'Smash Rule-book'. Behind him, Falcon spotted the hammer.

"Mario, turn around!"

Now Mario was trying to floss his teeth and talk at the same time. Captain Falcon grabbed the hammer. Link, exasperated, finally grabbed Mario and turned him around.

"Mario, for the love of Tabuu, man, look what's happening!"

Mario couldn't say anything. Captain Falcon had hit him in the side of the face and flung him off the side of the stage with the hammer. Luigi popped out of nowhere and started screaming at Falcon.

"Captain Falcon, you killed my brother! You'll pay for that!"

Captain Falcon lifted the mighty weapon above his head, and brought it down on Luigi's head. All that was left of him was a squishy green stain on the ground.

Link screeched, " No! Don't hurt me!" and ran off. He kept running until he reached the launch of Fox's new airship. He collapsed, out of breath.

"Whew... He shouldn't get me here!"

Link felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around slowly and saw him... The mighty purple-clothed being that would be the end of him. Link sprang up and narrowly missed being squashed. He ran inside the open door to the ship. When he got in, the door shut, leaving Link inside... Safe and sound.

"Hey! What're you doing in here?"

It was Falco, Fox's ally. Link begged at his feet.

"Please! Don't leave me out there! That maniac will kill me! If you have any heart, you will not leave me outside that door!"

Falco pondered this for a moment... Then tied Link to the airship.

"Well," Link said reassuringly, " He shouldn't be able to get me up here!"

Then stood the crazed killer above him. He held Falco in the hand that didn't hold the hammer. Falco's head was bashed down into his chest.

"What?" Link said, confused. " How can he walk on this thing? It's standing straight up!"

Captain Falcon squinted. " Magnet shoes, for the win!" He held up the hammer, dropping Falco, who landed on the 'launch' button. Then, with a mighty rumble, the ship started to blast off, which knocked Falcon on his keister. Of course, he didn't fall off. Or drop the hammer.

"Really?" Link screamed. Captain Falcon squinted again.

"Magenet pants, for the win!"

The ship turned sideways. Link pulled himself from the under the loosened ropes and headed for the ship's tail. Falcon followed him, bent on destroying the Hylian hero. Link was at the very end of the tail,and if he travelled any further, he would surely fall of. He turned to see Falcon standing there. " End of the line, Link! Time to die!"

He raised the hammer. Link braced for death. As Falcon swung it downwards, it disappeared. Link let his guard down as Captain Falcon, once ann unstoppable force from heck, now looked in horror as his hammer was gone. " No! It's not fair! I almost had him!"

Link pulled out his boomerang as he did with Donkey Kong while he was derping in the corner, and lunged it at Falcon.

And like that... It was over. Link had seen him kill three, but there was a possible few more that he may not have seen. Now he was floating through space... Never to hurt anyone again.

TWO YEARS LATER...

Captain Falcon was floating through space for what felt like decades. He was really really really bored now. Then, off in the distance, he saw a small rocketship. It was headed for the smash world... And Falcon started to flag it down. It slowed, and Falcon saw Olimar in the cockpit.

"Hello! I'm very happy to see you! Say... Do you have a hammer on you by any chance?"

TO BE CONTINUED...?


	2. Revenge of the Deadly Hammer Falcon

**The original plan was to present this as a whole new story, but I figured it may be best to set it as a sequel.**

**Revenge Of The Deadly Hammer Falcon (Otherwise known as Deadly Hammer Falcon chapter 2)**

"Hey! Hey Ness! _Neeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssssss_!"

Lucas was driving Ness up the wall by constantly repeating his name and trying to get his attention. Ness was a little busy trying to watch three of the Newcomers trying to brawl. Pit shot an arrow at Toon Link, whom Lucario used Extremespeed on and sent flying into Pit's stomach. Lucas popped up in front of Ness' face.

"Nessnessnessnessnessnessnessnessnessness…"

Ness grew a scornful frown on his face, but said calmly yet angrily, "_What?_"

"Hi!"

Ness frowned even more. He pushed Lucas to the side and continued to watch Toon Link, Lucario, and Pit battle. This time, Lucario hit Pit with an Aura Sphere and narrowly dodged Toon Link's Spin Attack.

"What do you think of the Newcomers, Ness? Huh? Huh? _Huh?_"

Lucas was in Ness' face once more, asking what he thought about the characters battling on the stage as they spoke.

"They're okay… I think Toon Link may be a clone, though," Ness whispered at the end as Toon Link turned around.

"What was that?" he said, just after throwing a bomb at Lucario. He dodged a Force Palm after saying that.

"Nothing," Ness replied, holding Lucas' mouth shut, thinking that he may say what they were talking about. Toon Link shrugged and went on with the battle. Just then, music started playing over the stage theme. It was loud, abrasive, bass-centered electronic music with a wobble apparent throughout the song.

Lucario (who at this point was of unknown gender) suddenly turned and said, "Is that Skrillex? I freakin' _love_ Skrillex!" and ran off the stage, heading towards the music.

"What about the battle?" Pit called after him.

"It can wait!" Lucario replied. _It _(I'm not saying "he" or "she" because that isn't really known) was immediately followed by the rest of the characters who were on the stage and who were watching the battle. Once they traveled a bit, they found a familiar purple character holding a boombox, which was the source of the harsh dubstep music.

"Hey, Captain Falcon," Lucario said in a jolly manner. "I didn't know you liked Skrillex. What's your favorite song?"

Captain Falcon squint his eyes and turned off the boombox. He replied, "'Kill Everybody'!" and raised a hammer above his head.

"Well, I like _that _song, but it isn't really his _best_…" Lucario managed to say before being interrupted by the hammer squashing it like a puny bug. Lucas shrieked like a little girl. Literally; everyone though Peach had seen it. But, no, it was Lucas.

"Oh, no! Link told me about this!" Ness said. He pulled out his iPhone and started to read off the first story. "This is what he warned us about! Captain Falcon with a hammer…it's all true!

"Hah! Now I have you all trapped like animals!" Captain Falcon shouted.

Ness got an idea. "Everyone run in different directions! There's four of us and only one of—"

He was cut off when four Falcons started laughing all at once. One was purple, which was normal, but then the others were green, blue and… pink. Of all colors, he _had_ to be pink.

"Smooth move, ExLax!" Pit said sternly, slapping Ness in the back of the head. "Now he's gonna kill us all!"

"Crap!" Ness said, just before Lucas started mouthing off.

"Watch your language, Ness! Remember, this game is only T-rated!"

"I'm going to rate your T in a second!"

"Did you like my tea?"

Ness facepalmed. "I give you guys permission to kill Lucas!"

The Falcons all raised their hammers simultaneously. The newcomers and Ness all ran off, prompting the Clone Falcons to chase.

The Green Falcon chased Toon Link through the Bridge of Eldin stage.

"You can't run forever!" the Green Falcon said. "You'll eventually slip!"

Toon Link knew he was right. He jumped, turned, and threw his boomerang at the evil green menace. It hit him in the face, knocking him back a few meters (because they don't use feet in the Smash World) and making him drop the hammer.

Toon Link ran to grab it, but the Green Falcon managed it before him. Toon Link stopped and tried to run off, but Falcon grabbed him by the hat... and it was over...

The Blue Falcon went after Pit. The Clone was dangerously close to the winged warrior, and, seeing no other choice, Pit jumped five times and pressed UP+B. His wings turned blue, and he started to fly through the air.

Pit started to celebrate. He would survive! But then, in a very very tragic and horribly stupid catastrophe... he hit a tree. And died. After an apple fell on his head. And that is how Pit discovered gravity!

The Pink Falcon ran to catch Lucas, who had made his way over to the Onett stage. He jumped to the top of the Drug Store and went over to the end of the telephone wires. He looked down and saw a van come up.

"This is it, Blondie! Now you _die!_" The way the Pink Falcon said "_die!_" brought a chill down Lucas' spine. But he had an idea.

"See ya loser!" Lucas said before he jumped. But he very idiotically miscalculated his target, and he hit the hard ground. The Pink Falcon grimaced as the van ran Lucas over, killing him instantly...

Ness thought he had lost him. He slowed down to a stop and rested on a wall. Just then, Captain Falcon—the original—had caught up to him, still carrying the hammer he ever so loved.

"This is it, Ness! Your time has come! Now you will see what true power looks like!"

Ness was completely powerless. He knew this was it. Then he saw the other Falcon Clones grinning and laughing behind the real Falcon.

"Hmm... my Clones are back... You know what that means... That means you've killed them all, right? Good job!"

They all closed in on Ness, who felt as if he could never depend on Newcomers again. They lifted their hammers when suddenly there was a shout from far off, followed by a helicopter rotor.

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-HAWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" cried Solid Snake as he descended from the sky in his army chopper. "Dontcha worry, kiddo, I've got yo back!"

He pulled out a grenade launcher and started firing, hitting all of the Falcon Clones and killing them one by one. Snake sent down a ladder to help Ness. He grabbed it and Snake flew off.

Ness almost made it to the helicopter when he felt Captain Falcon grab his foot. He managed to kick it off as they flew over the Pirate Ship stage. Ness got inside and Snake cut the rope on the ladder with a Bowie knife. But Falcon had a good grip on the edge of the helicopter opening. Ness used PK Fire, and Falcon let go, which sent him plummeting into the deep blue abyss... and it was over. But now, four Newcomers were dead, and Ness was traumatized by the whole experience.

"Whew! Glad that's over! Now how's about some Mickey D's? My treat!"

Ness nodded, and they flew off into the sunset... and they enjoyed their fast food.


End file.
